sorry to everyone whom i've been such a terrible friend too these few days or weeks or even moths i can't even figure myself out and i'm trying to understand people as well and know the world better but everything just jumbles up in my brain and it's 27 days left to the one and only big thing.

so much distractions lately, mostly my thoughts and overthinking but i can't seem to not care :(

i feel like i've forgotten how to be a person.......or how to be what i was because i really don't like who i am now. and if i don't like my current self i don't see how others will like it and i like being liked and liking people too :(

constant worry of not having anyone to rely on because i'm probably the most dependent person which really sucks so much i hate that i'm no where near independent


but anyway never will have the best of both worlds and i've been a horrible terrible bad bad friend this year, i'm so sorry i don't even deserve those that still care about me. i don't even know if i have any friends left
i don't know how to deal with what i feel i need guidance out of this deep and dark maze
i'm sorry for not being a good friend i'm trying to :(